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His Secret Obsession by James Bauer
How To Get Inside The Mind Of Any Man

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The Secret To Building Forward Momentum In Your Romantic

Lots of things matter in life. Your career. Your health. Your finances. But nothing matters quite
as much as your relationships.

I mean, think about it. What’s the fun of “succeeding” if there’s no one there to celebrate it with

Even something as simple as a beautiful sunset loses much of its significance if there’s no one
by your side to enjoy it with you.

Though I should confess…

I am a little biased. Because I’m a professional relationship coach. Which means I spend my
days helping people get the relationship they want.

And I spend my off-hours investing in the people that make my life rich and rewarding. So my
world pretty much revolves around relationships.

Helping people find romantic bliss is what I do. Does that sound fun to you? Well I can tell you
it is, but it hasn’t always been that way.

You see, people only look for me when something’s going wrong in their relationship world.
There have been days when I left the office with an aching heart. Too many stories of
emotional pain.

Too many people I care about-people I hold in my heart-feeling lonely or rejected. People who
deserve joy and laughter and meaningful connections with a person who claims them as their

You know what I’m talking about, right? Romantic relationships. Two people discovering a
special kind of joy in each other’s arms. Two people who want each other more than anything

It’s exciting. It’s beautiful. And it’s worth going after.

But sometimes you don’t know how to go after it. The man you love could be standing right
in front of you, but you simply don’t know how to win his heart.

Or problems rob your relationship of momentum before it can become what it was meant to be.

It’s not fair! You can see what you want. And you’re willing to work REALLY hard to get it. But
there’s something blocking your way.

What’s blocking your love life?

Well, it comes down to this. There’s nothing to grab on to! You can’t get a foothold.

It’s like being at the bottom of a pit with perfectly smooth walls, rounded on all sides. You can’t
climb your way out if there’s nothing to grab hold of.

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The pit is just wide enough so that you cannot reach both sides at once. All the motivation in
the world won’t help you out of this situation. You need someone to throw you a rope.
But I have good news…
I’m about to throw you a rope.

How To Build Relationship Momentum Fast
Momentum matters. Your relationship needs forward momentum. Without it you feel stuck in
the mud. Like a race car with tons of horsepower but tires that spin uselessly in a muddy ditch.

But with momentum everything changes.
With a running start, any car could coast past the muddy patch…even with flat tires. Pure
momentum. It’s powerful stuff.
That’s what I want for your relationship. Momentum in the right direction.
I don’t care where things stand between you and your man right now. Maybe he’s a guy you’ve
set your sights on. Or maybe you’re already in some form of relationship with him.
Regardless, I’m going to show you how to use momentum to your advantage. I’m going to
share three secrets for building momentum in your romantic relationship.

The Key to Jumpstarting Your Momentum
Here’s the truth about why momentum works. It sets off a chain reaction.
Most people feel stuck because they try to charge after romantic bliss. They look for the most
direct route. But it only results in heartache.
And I need to tell you something…
If you’re a woman who is used to succeeding in life, romance can be particularly frustrating for
That’s because you’ve learned how life works. You see what you want and you decide you’re
willing to pay the price to get it.
Typically, the “price” is a lot of hard work. You put in that hard work and you usually get the
reward you were going after.
But relationships don’t work that way. You can’t change the way someone else feels about you
simply by trying harder.
You need a different tactic. I’d like to show you something that works better. It’s a method for
building momentum in your relationship.

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It comes down to this very simple idea…

Create momentum by setting off a series of small chain reactions. Then let the power of those
chain reactions build your momentum automatically and effortlessly.

The rest of this report is about showing you how to do just that. And we’re going to start with a
simple idea anyone can use in their relationship.

Secret #1: Think beyond the First Step

The hardest part about building momentum is the very first step.

A train can transport a lot of cargo, using a very small amount of fuel. And once the train’s
momentum builds, you better stay out of its way. But from a stopped position, the train can
barely move at all.

It can feel like that in your relationship. Which is why a lot of people never bother with trying to
build momentum. After a first attempt to budge the relationship forward, it feels hopeless.
Nothing changed. You give up.

Most of my clients have a fairly good idea of what they want from a relationship. They can see
it clearly in their mind’s eye. And when they go after a guy, it shows. They focus on the end
result they’re going for.

My typical female client is focused on making a guy fall in love with her so he will want to be
her boyfriend or husband. That’s the goal.

She doesn’t think about much else beyond that goal. As a result, her vision of the future limits
her success. Let me explain why.

It’s easiest to explain with an example. So I’ll show you how this works with Melody’s story.

Melody wants Jeff to see her as more than a friend. So she does the kinds of things you would

She tries to hold his gaze a little longer. She looks for opportunities to get time with him alone.
She does her best to look attractive whenever she’s likely to bump into him.

Oh, and she actually bumps into him once in a while (“accidentally” of course).

That’s all great. The problem arises when he doesn’t respond the way she wants him to.

Frustration replaces hope. Irritation replaces confidence. And those emotions affect the way he
perceives her. It changes the experience for him in a negative way.

And all this happens before she’s had a chance to build up any momentum at all. After a few
weeks of feeling frustration and despair, she tries again.

But she simply repeats the same process over again. Try. Get frustrated. Give up. Repeat.

It’s an endless cycle of frustration. What melody needs is a foothold. Something that will let her

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get beyond the first step.

That foothold is something I call a “vision boost.” It’s where you forget about what you want
from him, and focus instead on what he’s missing.

And what is it that he’s missing?


You and the tremendous benefits he would receive if he could ever wake up to the reality of
what you have to offer.

After all, you have a lot to offer, right? If you truly love this man, his life is going to be MUCH
better if he has you in it. That’s because you want to make him happy.

You see, I only accept clients who are truly in love. I don’t help people who want a boyfriend
just for the status, money, sex, or anything like that. If that’s all you’re after, you may not
actually have much to offer him.

But think about the value of true love…

Two people who love each other so much their greatest happiness in life comes from making
the other partner happy.

When both people feel this way, a tremendous amount of value (translate: happiness) has
been unlocked by a decision to be together.

That’s the value that you have to offer him. Never forget that. Because that’s going to make all
the difference in the “vibe” you give off while interacting with him.

It’s a vibe that says…

“I’m cool, calm, patient, and completely confident in what I have to offer. You’d be lucky to
have me. And the gift I have to offer you is literally priceless.”

And Here’s the Really Good News

Just like he can sense frustration, irritation, and annoyance, he can also sense the opposite.
He can sense the positive, alluring vibe that happens when you focus on what you have to
offer him.

But there’s more to it than just that.

Something changes inside you when you adopt this belief system. The belief that you have
something incredibly valuable to offer.

It changes the way you think. And it changes the way you think in such a way that you begin to
automatically build momentum.

The way you build momentum is by investing in a future you feel confident about. You begin to
take small actions that reflect the confidence you feel in what the relationship will become.

You no longer make small, frustrated attempts to grasp for control. You see things differently

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now. He is coming to you.

With that new layer of patience, a new strategy becomes natural to you. I call it the 1% rule.

Secret # 2: The 1% Rule

Let’s review the main goal. It’s momentum. Forward momentum for your relationship.

You want it. And you want it now.

Believe me, I understand. That’s what I want for you too. But I don’t want you to break your
neck. And that’s what happens when you go from 0 to 60 in an instant. Things break.

Now, I’m not about to bore you with a story about the tortoise and the hare. But I do want to
remind you of something you may have forgotten. A basic truth about life you learned in

People don’t like to feel manipulated.

My mother used to push me to be more assertive and outgoing. I remember when she was a
substitute teacher one day when I was in eighth grade.

She stopped by the cafeteria during lunch hour. And to my horror, she chastised me for sitting
alone at a table by myself.

I was happily munching the sandwich from my brown paper sack, waiting for a friend to make it
through the paid lunch line.

But to her, that was no excuse. “Why don’t you join those kids over there? There’s still room for
your friend to join you.”

Right. Like I was going to pick up my lunch and walk over to the table where my mother had
just pointed.

I might as well walk up and say, “Hey guys! Anyone want to be my friend?”

You can probably imagine my response. I dug in my heels. Tried to ignore her. Tried to fake a
chuckle as if she had just referenced some sort of inside joke.

But no. She didn’t give up that easily. She took my hesitation as a sign that I needed more
reasons, more cajoling.

What would’ve worked better? How do you get a teenage boy to come out of his shell?

She would have more success if she kept the end goal to herself. That way I wouldn’t resist.

She should have invited me to take one tiny step at a time…and let me discover a new,
assertive identity on my own. In other words, she needed to start smaller.

That’s the 1% rule in a nutshell. Start small. Try to improve something by just 1%.

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It sounds like so little. And because of that, these small changes barely feel like changes at

But if you’re trying to get someone else to change, that’s a good thing! Start small. Let
momentum build so it does the work for you.

Get someone to take action, and something strange happens. They observe their own actions
and conclude it was a good way to go.

What I’m referring to here is a unique finding from the field of social psychology experiments.
Humans often look at their own actions to decide what they believe.

That sounds backwards, doesn’t it? But it’s a remarkable truth about how all people are wired.

For example, my mother could have made one small request. “Hey, while you wait for your
friend to come over, is there anyone in here you could introduce me to real quick? It would be
fun to meet one of the people I hear you talking about at home.”

If she can get me to take action, I start to see myself differently. I see myself as someone who
introduces people, connects others, and roams the cafeteria to make social connections.

It’s just one tiny step, but my own actions change how I perceive myself. It works the same
way in relationships.

Get him to take one small step. Something that would be very hard to object to. Like helping
you move a heavy box, or giving his opinion on a decision you’re considering. Then just
improve on this foundation 1% at a time.

Momentum doesn’t happen with a sudden burst of effort. It happens when you start small and
build on that momentum as it picks up speed.

It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward
only to stumble backward.”
– Old Chineese Proverb

So we’re talking about momentum as it applies to your romantic life. How do you use the 1%
rule to build momentum in your relationship right now?

Well, let me ask you. Can you imagine one tiny step? One tiny action you could invite him to
take? One action that someone would only do if they liked you or wanted to spend more time
with you?

Start there. See what happens. Build momentum.

And here’s why it’s called the 1% rule. You can build momentum fast by improving your
relationship just 1% at a time.

It’s a big shift away from the mindset most of my clients start with.

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Trying to improve things by just 1% has all these benefits:

– It takes away the pressure. You can let go of the need to make him see you’re the one for
him. That will happen automatically if you just improve 1% at a time.

– It sparks new ideas for improving things. Ideas that would never occur to you if you were
racking your brain for one super powerful thing you could do to instantly turn the relationship

– It lets you enjoy the journey. Instead of feeling like everything rides on your next
interaction with him, you enjoy what’s fun and build on that.

It seems like so little. But that’s deceiving. Tiny change often results in big results much faster
than we would expect.

That’s because of the power of compounding. You’re not just adding one plus one as the days
pass. Because 1% of no relationship is very little, but 1% of a relationship that has been
growing for several months is actually quite a lot.

As the saying goes, “People overestimate what they can accomplish in a day, and
underestimate what they can accomplish in a year.”

That’s human nature. We underestimate the power of compounding.

But you can use this to your advantage. Because now you know the second secret of building

Get him to take action. Think small. Then think even smaller than that.

Transform his small actions into a pathway that leads him to you.

Quick Story

Now, if you’re ready for secret #3, go ahead and skip down to that part now. But if you’d like
one example of the 1% rule in action, you’ll find this story interesting.

A friend of mine used to work in a nursing home as a recreational director.

She told me the unfolding saga of two employees who worked there.

One was an assistant in her department, and the other was the head of the maintenance

The assistant had a huge crush on the maintenance guy.

But the only reason my friend knew about it was because the assistant bashfully asked if she
would get in trouble for flirting with a fellow employee at work.

After that, they just seemed to become a couple.

My friend had to ask what happened because she never saw any indication of flirting.

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Here’s what happened.

The assistant started by showing interest in his work. She started by asking about some of his
work related routines.

She spaced out her expressions of interest, allowing him to warm up to her.

She would usually only approach him when he was working alone in the hallway, or as she
passed him outside the building on her way in.

She would only pause for thirty seconds or so, but she was consistent in demonstrating
interest each time she ran into him.

Then she made a move that allowed her to shift her flirting to another level.

After complimenting him about the breadth of his knowledge about maintenance related
issues, she asked if he would be horribly offended by the idea of giving her his phone number
in case she ran into a problem he could advise her about outside of work.

Now she had an avenue that made “exclusive flirting” easy.

Do you know the difference between “broadcast” flirting and “exclusive” flirting?

Broadcast flirting is on display for everyone to see.

When a woman uses broadcast flirting, everyone around can see what she’s up to.

For example, it’s broadcast flirting when Debbie laughs at all of Daniel’s jokes at the office
party and purposefully compliments him in front of others.

Exclusive flirting is different. Think of it like an exclusive club. There are only two people in
the club, and the two people share something exclusive.

You may think of yourself as someone who would never use flirting as an attraction tool,
maybe because of the potential for embarrassment or a distaste for acting like someone you’re

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